Barkerisms: New, but slightly late edition

Here they are, Bob's pearls of wisdom and humor from last week's episodes. I know they are a bit late, thanks to having my hands full with a few things this week.

Enjoy!

Bob: "Hello, Margie! Yes, look at her! Marge, you came up those steps so beautifully!"
Margie: "Like a lady!"
Bob: "Yes, a perfect lady! How long have you watched this show? Now, Margie. See those three people? Why do you suppose they're down there?!"
Margie: "Well, they're young, that's why!"
Bob: "They're young?!"
Margie: "All the older people have to be on a platform!"
Bob: "I see. I am losing this argument, aren't I? Get off this stage! That's it. Get down there where you belong! Sometimes you have to quit being diplomatic, you've got to be strong!"
- Bob, after Margie decided "Come on down!" means "Come right up on stage!"

"All right! I just want to be comfortable, that's all!" - Bob, after the audience got impatient as he decided to straight out his suit and tie before revealing the last slip on Punch A Bunch

"He's forgotten what the prize was after that kiss!" - Bob, after Daryl got a kiss from Shane (one of the models) for luck, because he is on his way to Iraq (and here's hoping he makes it home in one piece)

"I hope this will not impair our relations with Canada..." - Bob, after Barbara lost Lucky Seven by $1

Bob: "Lillian, I bet you don't have a lot of model ships around."
Lillian: "I don't. I don't know anything about ships."
Bob: "I know. I haven't even looked at the price and I already know you know nothing about ships!"
- Bob, after Lillian bid $10 on a wooden model of the USS Constitution

Bob: "But, you're all right now."
Wilbert: "Yes, I am."
Bob: "But it's going to get worse, because you're standing next to Lillian!"
- Bob and Wilbert, after Bob got confused between One Bids when Wilbert removed his cap (not to mention Bob had originally misread Wilbert's nametag as "Walter")

"You know, on the golf course, the professionals, if you did that, they'd just have a conniption fit. They couldn't take it. But I love it! Go right ahead!" - Bob, on the "Bob! Bob! Bob!" chant from the audience during his inspiration putt - which he has made once again (now two in a row)

"Now, wait a minute. I'd like to just make a little suggestion... Don't hit it quite so hard this time!" - Bob, just before Nicole's second attempt, after he first putt was way, way too hard

"What year? It's a 1996!" - Bob, after Casey asked him what year the car was

"You should've seen David. He's standing there, signaling back and forth to his friends from Cal State Long Beach, on what he should bid! He's already got his bid ready on a prize he hasn't even seen yet. I think I'm going to go rest. This is too much!" - Bob, on David's sign language with his friends during the commercial break

"I don't think he saw it, did he? He didn't see it. I shut that thing back fast, didn't I? He didn't think the old man was that fast!" - Bob, after he accidentally revealed the price of the day bed early on Take Two

Either this week's Barkerism Of The Week proves that there is such a thing as being too honest, or that people should pay attention to the question before they answer!

Bob: "How long have you been confused, Lillian?"
Lillian: "Seventy one years."
Bob: "You know I've had the same problem for eighty two years!"
- Bob and Lillian, after she didn't know what group she was with

Barkerisms: March Madness/Tomarken Memorial edition

Due to being a bit behind, as well as the fact I only saw three entire episodes last week (one wasn't aired at all due to coverage of the NCAA tournament, the other wasn't aired in it's entirety), and not to mention the fact these were episodes from last October, I decided to combine both week's worth of Barkerisms into one posts.

While they may be old, they're still quite funny... Enjoy!

"Wait a minute. This is supposed to be an exciting game! This is possibly our most popular game, and it's not because of zeroes!" - Bob, after Danielle dropped her first three chips into $0

"I'll get one right sooner or later!" - Bob, after he had problems hearing what the contestants were bidding

"I know, everyone kisses me on the right cheek... The left cheek is left out!" - Bob, after Kimberly kissed him on the left cheek

"Hello there, Ophir. Yes, congratulations, Ophir, now get off this stage! Get down there in Contestant's Row, Ophir! Don't try that business... You know, he sat back there and thought 'That old man won't notice... I'll just run up on stage and play a pricing game!'" - Bob, after Ophir tried to run right up on stage after being picked

"Now, Darryl, I want you to spin the big wheel - and don't break it!" - Bob, just before Darryl (6'4", 285) spun

"I asked her why Fred doesn't come along. She said he doesn't want to stand in line that long. See, it's true - people do stand in line a long time, sometimes as much as 20 or 30 minutes!" - Bob, after Janice explained why her husband hasn't come to the show, despite the fact he watches everyday

"I thought he was going to bid $3,950. I was going to say that poor boy had been out in the heat too long!" - Bob, after he misheard Walter's $950 bid for the sofa

"Oh! After that buildup, what a bummer!" - Bob, after Matthew drew a strike on his first turn on Three Strikes

"I refuse to go on after telling you there are no zeroes, and no numbers higher than six. You are obviously not majoring in mathematics!" - Bob, after Ian rolled a 1 in Dice Game, and said the number was lower

"Now, when you tell people about winning this car on The Price Is Right, I want you to remember to tell anyone with whom you talk that that old, grey-haired Barker is a nice man!" - Bob, after Ian won his Mustang

"Connie here is visiting us from Washington, DC, and in this game, you have to spend as much money as you can. And we all know that in Washington, DC, they know something about spending money, don't they?" - Bob, just before Connie played Shopping Spree

"I've never felt so useless! I never said a higher or a lower... She just whipped right through it." - Bob, Lauri went from $750 to $799 without waiting for Bob to say higher or lower in Clock Game

"Now, if you don't stop it, I'm going to have to hit you really hard!" - Bob, after Lauri went higher than $900 after Bob said lower, clearly not listening

"We've finally hit the bottom. The Bottom family is here!" - Bob, on the Bottom group in the audience

"Where can we go from there? Only up, meaning the Up group should be here next week!" - Bob, still having fun with the Bottoms

"With all these Bottoms, I end with a phony here! It's the story of my life!" - Bob, after Kyle Collins (part of the Bottom group) was called down. Kyle's grandmother's last name was Bottom, hence why he was with the group

"I bet he wants to take the $1,000 and quit!" - Bob, after Dustin rolled four cars in his first roll on Let 'Em Roll

"You know, with his standing above me, celebrating and waving this thing (the large cup for the dice) around, I felt I was in real danger. I got rid of him real quick!" - Bob, on Dustin's celebration after he won the car

"Audience, I don't know whether you helped this young man, or confused him!" - Bob, on the audience's conflicting advice to Benjamin during Clearance Sale

"I look down here in Contestant's Row. Theresa, Alesha and Barbara are looking intently at the prize. Jade is down here doing callestenics. Literally, doing callestenics. I think that's taking exercise too far!" - Bob, on the overly energetic Jade

"Well, thank you. Let's just forget the game and talk about me!" - Bob, after Barbara won her way up on stage and said Bob's better looking in person

"I'll tell you, we use old cameras and they make me look older than I already am!" - Bob, on why he "looks better in person"

"This may be the longest come on down in Price Is Right history! Mae, come on down! No, don't stop her! No embracing! This is only an hour show!" - Bob, on Mae's incredibly lengthy come on down

"She may not have won a prize, but she's developed a bicep!" - Bob, on Jade's musculars arms (and prior exercising on Contestant's Row)

"This Check Game has been on the show a good, long time!" - Bob, after Derrick said he didn't know how to play Check Game since he hadn't seen it for "a good, long time"

"How did you ever get into Penn State?" - Bob, after Derrick still had no idea how to play Check Game

"One thing he has learned while at Penn State, much to the dismay of his father, is how to write checks!" - Bob, after Derrick finished writing the check

"It's not an overbid!" - Bob, after the contestants managed to avoid an overbid after two straight

"I'm just going to sit down while she does her callestenics!" - Bob, after Elisabeth won her way up on stage and kept jumping around and screaming

"The interesting thing is he didn't look at his wife until he got done to the olive oil. He thought he knew the price of all of these. Now, if you're way off, blame your wife!" - Bob, after Lloyd said he had no idea about the prices, but then ignored his wife's advice on the first three items

"My man, you should've been listening to your wife clear back here, at the pain reliever!" - Bob, after Lloyd badly missed the first three items, then was right on the nose (with his wife's help) on the last two

The Barkerism Of The Week from "two weeks ago":

"You know, I just had a young mother stand up and thank me profusely for curing her baby's colic. He's not a baby anymore? They're 11 and 8? Both of them were cured of their colic by watching The Price Is Right. Now, the first thing I want to know is how I can make money curing babies!" - Dr. Bob, on finding out that he and TPIR can work medical wonders

And "last week's":

Bob: "And this pretty little Candace has added something new to The Price Is Right vocabulary! As you recall, she played Pick A Number, where all you do is choose one number and put it in the price, and hopefully you win. Well, she said 'You gave me a blonde game to play!'"
Candace: "Yeah, and I screwed it up!"
Bob: "Proving that you really are a blonde!"

New episodes - and new Barkerisms - will resume today. Woo hoo!

Barkerisms: Stand by, we're experiencing technical difficulties edition

This last week has not been one that's been - as that Esther Madonna once said - "Something to Remember"... I spent the week getting more scatterbrained by the day, between a court hearing, a 12:30 am fire (the night before said court hearing, of course), having no phone service for 40 hours (thanks to said fire, of course), and problems getting ahold of my monthly check from my father (not related to any of the above, but obviously I had problems getting ahold of him because I HAD NO PHONE).

So, the end result was:

Accidentally taping over Tuesday's episode with a later episode of Deal Or No Deal (I was able to find Tuesday's episode online, which had been posted by members of golden-road.net for the viewers in New Orleans who didn't get TPIR)

NOT getting pricing game #3 from Wednesday's show (a big Three Strikes win) on tape, because they were working on the cable that morning (the cable service was also damaged from the fire). I had local channels, but no cable, but for about five minutes, I got left with a nice, blank picture.

Accidentally forgot to turn the TV from NBC to CBS on Thursday morning, hence taping whatever crap was on NBC that morning instead of Price (someone on the forum is going to get me that episode soon).

Fortunately, from what I do have, Bob was in his usual fine form last week. Unfortunately, I'd have more of Bob in his usual fine form if I wouldn't have spent the better part of the week running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

The next two weeks, we'll be getting reruns (boooo!). However, these episodes were from last October. As I likely haven't seen them, and Barkerisms haven't been posted from them, I will more than likely go ahead with business as usual with them. Why not? I need laughs. No laughs and no jokes make Maddy something something...

"I may faint. I don't ever remember a contestant saying it with that much confidence!" - Bob, after Jordan said she knows how to play Check Game

"She can't cash it. That saves us some money!"
"I can be Michelle Davis if I get a check! I don't mind. I can change my name!"
"Is it difficult to change a person's name? Can we get it done while we're on the air?"
"I look like a Michelle. I can pass for one."
"Do you like Jordan?"
"Yeah, I do."
"You can change it to Betty Lou if you want!"
"Would you like me to, Bob? I'll change it to whatever you want me to!"
- Bob and Jordan, after Bob noticed the check was made out to Michelle Davis, not Jordan Francis

"You step right back here. I want you to win. You have been a wonderful contestant, even though they don't know who you are. At least the person who wrote the check doesn't know who you are!" - Bob, having more fun with the blunder

"Now, not only does she have a voided check, but she has a check that belongs to Michelle Davis!" - Bob, after Jordan lost

"When I came up here, she said 'Bob, can I keep the check as a souvinier?' Of course you can! Just don't try to cash it, or you'll end up in jail!" - Bob, joining ol' Maddy in warning you about the dangers of identity theft

"In case our viewers are concerned, this is the Michelle that was on the check. She was another contestant. She just happened to be on the show, so we figured what the heck!" - Bob, just before Michelle spun the big wheel

"Amy didn't realize that she won. She had a look of disappointment on her face. But I straightened her out!" - Bob, after Amy didn't realize she'd won her way up on stage

"Stop! You're giving me a headache!" - Bob, after the audience chanted as-prin over and over, suggesting Amy take the aspirin in Grand Game

"John, I welcome you to Contestant's Row! And I tell you, this young man has something going for him. He's literally surrounded by pretty women!" - Bob, referring to the group John came with

"The actual... You know, there was a hysterical voice out there. There was a hysterical voice out here... '$1,200! $1,200!' What if the actual retail price is - I haven't looked - is $1,200? We've had that on the show before... Is it? Are you sure? Are you? Well, then we won't even look! Let's see. Uhh... No, I better look. Actual retail price... $1,299." - Bob, on an audience member who thought they knew the price

"Trent, let me straighten you out on one thing... You are not running for office here, you know! That's not the idea of this show!" - Bob, responding to Trent, who looked like he wanted to shake hands with everyone on the his way down to Contestant's Row

"Tell me, did you get her vote?" - Bob, after Trent trotted over and starting hugging Tova when she was called

"Trent is the winner, and now he has to say goodbye to everyone in Contestant's Row..." - Bob, as Trent (slowly) made his way up on stage

"I'm not going to try to figure it out.. He lost!" - Bob, after getting himself a bit confused on the math after Trent lost Balance Game

"That kid gets around pretty fast!" - Bob, after Scott got called, quickly ran up on stage to shake Bob's hand, then just as quickly went down to Contestant's Row

"Now, Maria, I have a prize for you, and I don't want you to hurt me when you see it!" - Bob, fearful of the very-excited Maria "tearing him from limb to limb"

"Wait, the game's over! What am I doing? I'm letting her go on.. The game's over! She gets one chance to do it. You had me hynotized here, you see!" - Bob, after getting mixed up during Shell Game

"Don't grab that $500, either!" - Bob, as Maria left the stage

"Daniel, being the gentleman that he is, thinks Gail should've won. But she was over by $1!" - Bob, after Daniel kept pointing toward Gail after their One Bid

"Yes, we were both born December 12. But you were born a few years after me!" - Bob, after Daniel showed him his passport (Daniel is exactly 63 years younger than Bob)

"Shirley. Being the curious old feller I am... What did that woman in the audience hand you as you were coming down?"
"My bracelet!"
"Why did she have your bracelet?!"
"It flew off!"
"Ohhh! You jumped up, and it flew off... I thought they were taking up a collection for you!"
- Bob, on Shirley's magic flying bracelet

"Bob, I love you!"
"I love you too! Wherefore art thou, Felisa?"
- Bob, on Felisa's love for him

"Now, let's just suppose you win down there. How ever will we get you up here?!" - Bob, on Lisa's broken leg

"No, don't touch me! I saw you almost break her other leg. I'm not going to mess with you!" - Bob, after Scott was called down

This was a tough choice this week... I had a tough time choosing between Jordan and Bob discussing the Check Game name blunder, and my eventual choice.. But, after serious thought, here is the Barkerism Of The Week:

"Ohhh, look at this! Now, I've seen a lot of pictures of me, but look at this... Thank you! Thank you very much!" - Bob, on Rochelle's Viva Bob Barker shirt (with Bob's head on Elvis' body. And, yes, Bob said "Thank you! Thank you very much!" like Elvis!)

For any of you out there who want to watch/hear Bob channel his inner Elvis, click here, click the download now link, and advance to the 2:56 mark in the video... Enjoy!