Barkerisms of the Week - The Price Is Still Right, bitch! Edition

"Bob, you're one of my biggest heroes!"
"One of? Who...? Who..."
"My biggest hero!"
"That's better!"

- Bob, insulted that he was only "one of" Jennifer's biggest heroes

"Now, you listen to me. That's better! Rich is describing this, and she's *imitates her looking at the audience, paying no attention*. Straighten up now, or I'll throw you back!" - Bob, giving Jennifer the business for not paying attention to Rich's description

"Whoa, careful Brandi! She almost opened that box. You know if you accidently give it away, it's coming out of your paycheck!" - Bob, making sure his beauties know how to handle the boxes in 1/2 Off (which is played for $10,000)

"Did you see that, Rich? The second I asked you for a winner for this spot, Bice tried to sneak over. She's been trying to do that all day. Is there a page over there? Tie a rope around her ankle and keep her where she belongs!" - Bob, showing how he maintains discipline

"We have a group here of librarians from all around California! Now, I have one question... Any of you read any good books lately?" - Bob, proving that reading is FUNdamental

"We're ready for the first Showcase Showdown! Are you ready for the case.. Are you ready for whatever I'm trying to say?" - Bob, leaving us to wonder if he might've spiked his coffee this morning

"And Kenneth is wearing a Corpus Christi hat here! I got my wings as a naval aviator in Corpus Christi! Yes, that was back in the war of 1812!" - Bob, claiming he found a way to fly before Orville and Wilbur did!

"Now, if that happens again, you're disqualified!" - Bob, clearly not wanting to use his "trusty Plinko stick" again

"Rich, do you think it would be interesting to finish the show with all male contestants?"
"Sure!"
"Did you hear the voices? 'No! No! No!' Very effeminite voices!"

- Bob, trying once again to turn The Price Is Right into a battle of the sexes

"Josh, you must keep in mind that if he goes again and gets 'Lose everything', you've lost nothing!" - Bob, letting Jan's friend Josh (who was in the audience giving advice) know that he wasn't the one risking $5,000 on another shot at the car

"You know, I am afraid this is going to develop into a riot today!" - Bob, after Sherry (who bid $1) punched Erik (who followed it up by bidding $2)

"Now, let me tell you, if you get me naked for a physical, you're going to be in for a shock!" - Bob, commenting on Kimberly's "Hey Bob, you want a physical?" shirt, warning her that he still has it at 82

"Frances, it seems as though it's been forever since I've seen you!" - Bob, after Frances was called on down, after he gave her a kiss during the previous commercial break

"Now, Sherry, you do realize she bid $2, right?" - Bob, letting Sherry know that once again someone bid $2 after she foolishly bid $1

And this week's Barkerism Of The week?

"The audience... If you heard this reaction when we came back, they wanted me to say a particular line from Happy Gilmore! I checked with Standards and Practices, and they would not allow me to say that!"

Of course, what Bob knows is that Standards and Practices can only keep Bob from saying that line ON the air. We all know damned well he can say it OFF the air all he wants... The Price Is Right, bitch!